Crush? Isang Tula Na Naman?

Araw-araw at gabi-gabi kita tinitignan,

Sa mga larawan mo na tinago ko,

Tuwing makikita kita biglaan sa daan,

At sa mga pag-uusap natin na ‘di ko namamalayan.



Ako’y labis nagagalak sa oras na makikita kita,

Dahil ikaw lamang nagpapasaya sa lugar na ‘to.

Siguro simpleng tao ka lang sa iba,

Sa akin naman napakalaking halaga mo.


Patawa-tawa lang ako habang tayo nag-uusap,

Sa loob-looban ko ay nangangarap mapasa-akin ka.

Tinitignan mo ako na parang wala lang sa’yo,

Pero sa bawat tingin mo ako’y napapasaya.



Sakit isipin na baka may hinihintay ka na,

Panigurado ‘di ako ‘yun, patawa.

Sino nga ba ako para gustuhin mo,

Isang taong adik na adik lang naman sa’yo?



Alam mo, kahit sinong gustuhin mo narito lang ako parati.

Kapag kailangan ng tulong na ‘di mula sa akin, ako’y sasagot

Hindi mo pa ako nagiging kaibigan, ganito na ako

Paano pa kaya kung magkatuluyan tayo?

Bakit Gano’n Nay? Isang Tula?

 

Kakauwi ko pa lamang galling maghapon sa eskwela,

Pagod dahil sa kalungkutan sa pinanggalingan ko at sa bulok biyahe

Pero pagdating ko sermon ang galling sa’yo

“Bakit ginabi ka?”

Na kahit totoong rason ang aking sabihin, ‘di mo paniniwalaan

 

Isang araw ay nagmamadali akong umuwi,

Iniwasan ang lahat ng alok ng barkada sa gala at kasiyahan.

Nakipagsisikan pa ako sa tren upang makatulong gawing-bahay,

Dahil sa ayaw kong mapagod dahil ika’y matanda na.

Pero bakit gano’n? Tila ika’y galit pa kahit tinulungan na kita.

 

Pati aking ina, na anak mo ay parang ‘di mo pinapahalagahan.

Para sayo ang isang pagkakamali niya ay idinidikta na ng pagkatao niya.

Bakit tila ‘di mo maalala lahat ng paghihirap niya para mapangiti ka niya?

Ang masakit lang ay nakapagtapos na siya at may trabaho,

Pero hinahanap-hanap mo pa rin ang mali niya

 

Masakit lang do’n ay nalalaman ko lahat ng pinagsasabi mo sa kanya.

Bilang anak, napupunit ang aking puso tuwing maririnig ko ang mga ‘yan.

Napakapait isipin kung paano malaman niya ang mga pinagsasabi mo,

Ano na kaya ang kahihinatnan? Sigawan, iyakan!

At pag-uusap niyo na ‘di ko na maiintindihan dahil nag-iIlocano na kayo.

 

Pinipilit kong isipin na ang rason ng lahat nito dahil ay sa pagtanda mo,

Hindi talaga, ‘di ko alam, ano nga ba ang rason ba’t ka ganyan sa amin?

Kapag sa bunso mong anak ay wala akong naririnig na masama, lahat ay papuri.

Ayokong isipin na totoong may paborito kang anak dahil sabi mo ay wala naman.

Pero bakit ka ganyan Nay? Bakit ganito? Bakit kapag kami laging ganyan?

 

Paano ko ba matatanggal ang pait nito sa aking puso?

Naalala ko pitong taong gulang palang ako, ganyan ka na sa akin.

Pasko, hindi ako sumabay ng Noche Buena dahil mainit ang dugo mo sa akin.

Hanggang ngayon, kahit anong gawin ko, wala pa rin.

Hahanapan mo talaga ako ng mali.

 

Napapaisip ako minsan ampon ba ang aking ina? Kasi sa amin ka lang ganyan.

Kaming magkakapatid ‘di mo kayang apresyahin nag magagandnag gawa.

Laging mali, mali, at mali!

Nakakapagod na, mahal mo ba talaga kami?

Sabi mo ay oo, pero Nay bakit ganito? Ilang taon na!

 

Nakakatawang isipin na ‘di pala malalang bagay iniiyakan ko,

Nasa loob pala ng aking tahanan ang salarin sa kapaitan.

Hindi ko alam na lang, nakakapagod.

Bata pa lamang ako ganito na lang buwan-buwan.

Walang tigil na masasakit na salita, parang sirang plaka.

 

Kahit gano’n, ‘di ko pa rin kaya ‘di ka mahalin.

Mananatiling apo mo pa rin ako, kahit ganyan ang aking naririnig.

Kahit ‘di kami ang iyong paborito at laging napapansin,

Ang pagmamahal namin ay mananaig kesa sa pait na natatanggap.

At sana minsan mapagtanto mo na pinipilit ka naming mapangit kahit masakit na.

unequally yoked: my story

Today is year 2018, I do write here in wordpress about random stuffs but as you see more about my girly side. In this blog, I am writing to tell you that I was in a hmm kinda relationship, and hmm kinda broke up with him about a week ago. I am Christian girl, I am part of the music ministry, and I am the daughter one of the greatest leaders in our church, but I was with an unbeliever, absolutely who does not believe in God.

He was my friend first for about 2 years, he liked me since the very first day, and I do not like him. Fast forward, things got changed, I asked God for a change in my life, I never thought being in love is part of change I was asking when I was in ninth grade. I have crushes, people I like, but the feeling I felt back then was very different, it is the feeling how I felt about my family, and close friends, and yes, indeed, it is love.

The feeling is very weird, I even told this to my friend that I got feelings for him. He is my friend, oppositely to my ideal guy, oppositely what I believe in. The guy, and I were completely opposite, but I fell in love to him. Like I said, he liked me since the very first day,  it just happened. We knew that we are in love with each other. And I know, this love is prohibited. This is not the right love. This is not right. I remembered 2 Corinthians 6:14. Yes, I am only 14 back then, but I am aware of God’s laws.

He wanted to court me legally so bad, to the point that he even came to our to ask my Dad, but of course we are too young, my Dad told him it is not yet the right timing, he respects my parents’ decision. Still, we are in love. In our country, when two people are not officially together, they call it M.U. (mutual understanding lol i know it is funny). So we were in the stage of M.U., and honestly M.U. is like a relationship. We were absolutely a couple without a label. I am okay with that, but he is not okay with it, because he wanted us to be legal. It is a shame for a girl like me to push him what I want. Our hmm kinda relationship started out on 2015, I, as a Christian, invited him to our church once, invited him to our Bible study session in school. October 2015, he was saved, through grace. He believed in God, surprisingly, unexpectedly, and I am so happy, especially for an unbeliever like him.

Months passed, our hmm kinda relationship was going down, down down. September 2016, he told that he did not want to believe in God anymore, he went back to his path, and to his ways. He was wrecked, and my spiritual life was a wrecked too. I got so broken when I heard him telling that to me. I asked God why, I prayed day and night to continue his faith, but what did just happened. My faith grew stronger, I continue to pray for him to God.

Months passed, our hmm kind relationship did not go well. Toxicity came to our  hmm kinda relationship, my spiritual life got wrecked more, I forgot praying sometimes in a day, and not doing my devotion for about straight 8 months! I knew how to say bad words because we were fighting in simple things like jealousy, and I knew how to fight without making a right decision. I am 15 back then, too young. It is a shame that I am still part of the ministry in our church for what I did. It is a shame that this girl loved the worldly side.

Year 2017, my faith was shallow, I am doing everything by faith, but mostly what I think it is right. Absolutely wrecked, still I am with him. I know that God was very mad to me that time, I am such a shame. But you know even my spiritual life was wrecked, God is still there for me, I always felt it. When I need help, there is a miracle, and when I am sad, there is a surprise. God is always there for me, although I broke a lot of His laws.

In the past 3 years, I know I am committing a sin. Unequally yoked. A relationship that could destroy you. This year, I decided to do what is right, to pray about finding a right time to end with him. It is a tough decision, because I promised him that when I get 18, he could ask my parents again. I knew that I would break promise that I made for him, but I cannot stand that I would break a law of God once more. I want to fix my spiritual life I said in my mind. I prayed for wisdom again.

Last Friday of September 2018, I did what I think it is right. I ended the hmm kinda relationship with him. I do not know if it was okay with him, I just walked away after telling him that, I cried. He did not say any words. I asked his friends how he is doing, and they told he is doing fine.

He is the first guy I loved, although he is the entirely opposite of me. He is the first guy I prayed a lot to God. I ended it. Instead of being depressed about it, I am happy. I am free of guilt. I am happier when I ended it than when I am with him. I thought being in love with him will be a life time part of my life, but it is really not.

Why am I sharing this to you? As a teenager, I want to share this story so you cannot experience how I felt. It is very hard, it is such a shame. We should avoid imprudence and worldly sins because it is what the world wants. We do not know what are the consequences when we tried it.

  • I want to share how God is still amazing to me, even when i disobeyed Him in many times, He is still there, guiding me to go back to the right path of life. God is merciful (Daniel 9:9).
  • Wrong time for relationship. Too young to be in a relationship, although you may call it M.U., not emotionally ready. Think a lot, pray a lot, have wisdom before doing something that could affect your life (1 John 2:16, Romans 12:2).
  • Love relationships with unbelievers, even though it is not a serious relationship, gives you toxicity. This will affect you as a Christian. What Paul wrote in the Bible is right, based on experience too. Follow God’s commandments, whether it is small or big (2 Corinthians 6:14-15).
  • God has His own perfect timing for you. In 3 years, I really wanted to end my relationship with him, I just cannot find a perfect timing (Ecclesiastes 3:1-11).
    • 2015: My classmates might create gossips about that I am might playing or messing up with his feelings.
    • 2016: Last year of our junior high school, we were so busy, we were fighting, he was depressed that year, I just cannot leave him like that, he needed a accompany then.
    •  2017: New school, we were classmates, I am the class president of our section, I cannot end with him like that, my new classmates might create gossips about us. Also, I am so in loved to him this year. I am not emotionally ready to end it.
    • 2018: Very busy, we are the graduating students of our school, we are not even in the same sections, we are not seeing each other. I forget about him sometimes. I am emotionally ready to end up with him, so he is.
  • You cannot change or be an instrument to help your lover to be close with God. God will be the one who can change a person. No ones knows what a human can think or how she or he feels, we are not sure if they can maintain what they believe in, but God is the One who only knows (Ephesians 5:17, Jeremiah 17:9, Ezekiel 36:26-28).
    • God will not let His children to be tired in doing something. Like what I did, I always try to change him until I got tired, and mad (Isaiah 40:28-31).
  • It is still in God’s will. Every plan God made for us is perfect. His plans will not give us harm, let us give our trust freely to Him (Jeremiah 29:11, Proverbs 3:5-6, Colossians 1:16).

 

An application for you before being in love with someone that you know it is very unrighteous to do, always pray about it. Here are some verses that could encourage you to think a lot and think wise before doing it:

To God belong wisdom and power;
    counsel and understanding are his.

                                    — Job 12:13

Blessed are those who find wisdom,
    those who gain understanding,
  for she is more profitable than silver
    and yields better returns than gold.

— Proverbs 3:13-14

For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.

— 1 Corinthians 1:25

Cat Cafe Manila (will be close on 06/01/18 :<)

Kitties! Cats! Everywhere!

CAT CAFE MANILA – MAGINHAWA STREET, QUEZON CITY

If you love cats, you would totally adore this place. Pet cafes ain’t just your typical cafe but you can have cup with the lovely pets. The cafe’s cats are all domestic cats, and they are all rescued animals.The cafe is partnered with CARA (Compassion and Responsibility for Animals), where the rescued cats came from.

The entrance fee is Php 200.00, which the half goes to the cats’ maintenance, and the other half is consumable for your food. If you want the cats to be close with you, you can buy cat food for Php 50.00, you can feed them or buy it and take home for your cat! Each visitor can stay for a hour, but we enjoyed the cafe for two hours because there are only few visitors inside. You can also adopt cats here in this cafe, just ask the personnel inside the cafe about the cats that are ready to be adopted.

My mood when I am here in this cafe is: GIGIL. Too much gigil, I did not even take pictures of all the cats in the cafe. By the way, not all cats are friendly, you gotta keep up with them with their moods. Each cats in the cafe has their own personality, but still I love them!

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About the food and drinks, the prices are just typical as the other cafe prices, but look what it is written on their jars! This is so true if you have a cat, right?

 

You can also read books about cats here, and play the card game, Exploding Kittens. They are also selling stuffs about cats, cat food, books about cats, and some Totoro stuffs.

Sadly, the cafe will be close on June 01, 2018, so you have the month of May to come in this cafe. Cat Cafe Manila’s statement:

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I read some of replies of Cat Cafe Manila to the questions of the people. They will closing due to relocate a new place for the cafe. Here are some of their replies:

Relocating is possible  But that would mean more expenses for relocation which we can’t afford now. If the those who are willing to takeover would have funds to relocate, we would support that  

We really need someone to turnaround the cafe and manage it closely. Maybe you know any enterprising catlovers who would want to take over the cafe? 🙂

Before the cafe closed, I suggest you should visit here if you adore cats!

  • Cat Cafe Manila:
    2/F 189 Maginhawa St. cor. Makadios St., Sikatuna Village, Quezon City
    +63 922 836-4441
    You can reserve your visit there, contact them through their website: http://catcafemanila.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/catcafemanila/

 

Not sponsored, I am just in love to this cafe.

 

I WON IN A GIVEAWAY ❣️ Raiza Contawi

I wanted to share that I am blessed to won in a giveaway. Come on, giveaways are like one of the hardest contest to won! I do not even how I won here. As a youtubuer subscriber of Raiza Contawi, I saw this video and I tried to join on it. I absolutely expect nothing because winning in a giveaway contest is one of the impossible things you might get. Guess what, nothing is impossible. 


I won the Pixi Beauty Kit out of thirteen kits. I am expecting he Nyx Kit because lippies is love. 

There are four product in this kit, a lipstain, brow tamer, lower eyelash mascarra, and a strobe&sculp brush.  

Pixi by Petra is one the makeup brands that’s Paraben-free and not tested on animals. I appreciate this brand so bad. Anyway, I am here to share my experience not to review the products. Soon, I will post review about the products I won. 


So, who is Raiza Contawi? One of my favorites makeup blogger and youtuber. That chinita and makulit gurl when you watch her stories in Instagram!

Raiza Contawi’s IG Account 


She is one of the succesful youtubers in this country. She is a professional makeup artist and a beauty blogger from Makati. 

Raiza Contawi’s Youtube Account
I have been a fan of her since she has only 40k subs, she is very natural and professional in her videos. She is straight to the point whether she like the product or not. Because there are youtubers out there if they are endorsing a product through their channel, they will say positive side only, not the side effect of it. 

Anyway, I am very shocked when she mentioned my name in her IG’s story, I though it was someone lese mentioned but OH MY GOSH I JUST WON and I do not know what happened next, I am just smiling all the time on that moment thanking God and Raiza for picking me. 
I won on the first week of July and I got my prize on the first week of August! Going back home tired, I suddenly saw a Xsend truck in the opposite direction away from our home, I did not expect that was my delivery! It is a fun experience to won in such things like this, because it is very impossible to won in giveaways. 
So what can I say? Nothing us impossible. Just believe, but hey do not expect too much!

Always, 

Ashlee

Gardens By The Bay • Singapore 🇸🇬 

I went to Singapore last year, it is my first out-of-the-country experience. We stayed there for five days, and for now, I want to share to you one of Singapore’s popular tourist spot, Gardens By The Bay. 


I know that you should buy a ticket before you can really go there, I mean inside of it, that you can see closely the Garden. 

The closing time of it is until 10 pm, badly I forgot when is the opening time. It is a funny experience when you are with us, travelling. 

Before we went here, we stayed in Sentosa, it’s already quarter to 8 in the evening, and my mother told us we should go to Gardens By The Bay. Shookt right? Deep inside, I was thinking, how. There’s no enough time for it. But guess what, I was wrong. 

The travel time from Sentosa to the near station of Marina Bays, Bayfront, is almost about an hour. I really don’t know how did we get there. By 9:30 for what I remember, we’re heading to the place, and it’s really dark. 


So in this picture, I don’t know did how we get here. It is funny, that we’re just walking around, taking pictures, until we get here, far away from the place where we’ve been. 


Additional info: you can take an elevator to get this shot. There’s a kinda terrace style that you’ll go to take some pictures like this. 


This is me, it’s dark right? Against the light. I also got of picture with this popular hotel (?) in Singapore. I searched about this building, because I was curious about it. It’s a hotel with an infinity pool on its rooftop. 


For me, if you have plan to go in this place, better to go here by 5 pm until 7 pm. So you can see the view when the sun is still up, and when it’s dark you’ll appreciate lights of it. 
Love,

Ashlee

Summer 2017: Aurora

Summer is over, and I want to share with you my adventures this Summer 2017 here in the Philippines. 

So, Aurora is like my province, because my mother was born and raised here before she went in Manila. 



This picture, I took this at Maria Aurora. There are many coconut trees in Aurora, swear. 

Since I was a kid, I’ve been in Aurora, times when the road wasn’t that good enough to take unlike today. I’ve been a lot of places too, that I want to share it. But for now I’ll share where we went this 2017. 

The travel time to get here is 6-7 hours. We stayed here for three days. First day, we got some rest. Second day, here is where we started our tour. 


Like I said, I’ve been here for many times, that’s why expect that we went to few places only. 

This picture above here is at Ampere, Aurora. It’s a rocky beach, the waves are totally strong, plus it’s windy here. By the way,  instagram worthy for taking pictures here. 

Best photo I took when we are in Ampere. I love the waves that splashed through my feet. 

This bridge is road to Baler. My mother told me, way back then, this bridge doesn’t exist, when they have school contest, it always based in Baler. They always crossed this river with a boat, and it’s always full of people that you can’t even sit properly. Additional fact, back in 90s, the travel to Baler from Manila is 12-15 hours. 

Also, after Ampere Beach, we bought street foods in this store. This store I was talking about is passable before and after going to Ampere beach. Sadly, I don’t know what these stores’ name. 

Guess what? If isaw costs 5pesos here in Manila, well in province it only costs 2.50-3pesos. Cheap right? 

After Ampere, as usual, we went to Sabang Beach Resort, Baler. Sabang Resort is like the last part of the beach of Baler. 

I took a picture of this part of Sabang Beach Resort. This is where a lot of people get drowned and die. Yes, it is true, and I’m not scaring you, guys. You know why? Because this part is the deepest part of this beach. Personels at Sabang Redort and the guards will tell you not to go there. 

Look at the sky, amazing creation of God. 

The relaxing sound of the waves. 

Sunset here at Baler isn’t like in Batangas because Baler is the East part. You’ll see the beautiful pinkish-blueish sky here. 


End of day two!


Morning sets in that day, and it is our last day in Aurora. For the last day, we went surfing in Sabang. 

Tip: There are a lot of surfing mentors in Baler. But you should think wisely if you’re getting a mentor. Me and my sister has different mentor (different business lol). Sadly, my sister got the not-so-good mentor (I don’t want to call it a bad mentor tho). Her mentor isn’t good as mine, he’s not friendly and didn’t teach the basic how to balance in a surf board. Unlike mine, the opposite of it, who is friendly, talkative, and teaches well, like a pro! 

So yes, this is my summer 2017 experience in Aurora. I’m telling you, you should visit Aurora, and try to surf!

always, ashlee

Summer 2017: Batangas

Summer is over, welcome rainy season! I want to share with you my summer vacation here in Batangas. We went in Laiya, specifically. We didn’t go to a lot of places here. We went to the beach only. To get cool for summer. 


The name of the resort we went is San Juan-itos Resort and Hotel. The resort we went has pool too. Before you can get here you need to go up a montain. Because the place is on a mountain. Yes. 

Also, it is prohibited to bring foods and drinks in this resort. Water is the only drink you can bring. Seriously I’m so unsatisfied to this resort. The manager of this resort isn’t professional. There’s no wifi. No signal for your cellphones. The beach isn’t good for swimming, a lot of rocks on it. The pros here are they give you life vest when you’re going to swim (beach or pool), I love the infinity pool, and it is good for taking photos. 

Rating : 5/10

Sorry, but I am not impressed. Sorry manager of this resort. 

Anyway, to enjoy this vacation, we ride a banana boat. That’s us. It’s my first time to ride this thing and yeah, I am going to try it again soon. 


Snorkling, but expect that it wasn’t good as snorkling in Palawan. We saw some corals and few fishes. 

Well, vacation is not about places but enjoying our moments together as a whole family. 

always, ashlee